Why Do I Feel So Numb After Betrayal?

When God Feels Gone and You Feel Nothing

Why Do I Feel So Numb After Betrayal? When God Feels Gone and You Feel Nothing

Elliott Kemmet, MSW, BSW, RSW

Founder of My Restored Roots & Lead Therapist

The Ache After the Storm

The nights filled with frantic screenshot-searching, anxious detective work, and intense confrontations are behind you now. The constant sense of emergency that once drove your days and nights has quieted. Your phone sits silently, screen down on the table. Your home feels calm again, without shouting or tense arguments. Yet the quiet surrounding you doesn't really feel peaceful or comforting. Instead, it feels empty, hollow, like something vital is missing. It's as if, now that the immediate crisis is over, there's a deep void in the space left behind.

This emptiness is common after experiencing betrayal trauma. In the first stages, adrenaline pushes you through the chaos. Now that those initial alarms have quieted, you're left in a strange silence where it seems like nothing is happening. Your emotions might feel distant, numb, or unreachable. You might even find yourself struggling to feel anything at all—joy, sadness, or anger. Your senses seem muted, your mind disconnected, and even your faith might feel unusually distant or unreal.

Think of it like walking through a forest after a wildfire. The flames are gone and the danger has passed, yet the ground remains hot to the touch. Smoke still hangs in the air, and everywhere you look there is ash and stillness. Or consider soil in the middle of winter: it feels frozen, hard, and completely lifeless. But beneath that frozen ground, unseen seeds quietly wait to grow again in spring. Similarly, emotional numbness after betrayal doesn't mean you've stopped healing—it means you're in a necessary pause, a time of stillness before new life and feeling begin to emerge again.

If you're asking yourself questions like, "Why do I still feel this way?" or "Why am I still here, stuck in this emptiness?" Please know you're not alone, unusual, or behind schedule. You're exactly where most people find themselves in this middle stage of recovery from betrayal trauma. This phase is challenging, but it's a normal, predictable step on the path to healing. Be patient with yourself; you haven't stalled out. You're simply standing in the necessary middle space between trauma and renewal.

You’re Not Behind—You’re in the Middle

Most wives expect that after the initial shock of betrayal subsides, they'll experience ongoing waves of tears or intense anger. However, many find themselves feeling surprisingly empty and emotionally numb instead. Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as hypo-arousal, which occurs when your nervous system becomes overwhelmed after weeks or even months of constant stress and heightened vigilance. Scripture describes this state simply as weariness of the soul—a deep fatigue that settles into every part of your being. This emotional flatness isn't a sign of weakness or failure. Rather, it's your body's natural way of conserving energy so you can continue to function and survive during a profoundly difficult time.

There are several common signs that you're experiencing this middle season:

Blunted emotions – You may notice that feelings that once came naturally, such as spontaneous tears or deep emotional connections during worship songs, now seem distant or completely absent. Activities that previously moved you emotionally might now leave you feeling indifferent or disconnected.
Social withdrawal – It becomes common to withdraw from social situations, including interactions with friends, attending church services, or participating in small group gatherings. Even simple conversations may feel overwhelmingly draining or impossible to manage. You may find yourself avoiding social interactions altogether, preferring solitude over the exhaustion of having to explain or hide your feelings.
Shame whispers – Thoughts and internal messages begin to arise, suggesting you're overreacting or somehow failing as a person or believer. You might hear your inner critic say things like, “I'm weak,” or “A stronger Christian would have recovered by now.” These are the deceptive whispers of grief, intensified by exhaustion and emotional depletion. They do not represent the truth about your faith or your progress through healing.

It's important to recognize that these internal messages and emotional states are symptoms of the profound grief you're carrying, not indicators of your personal worth or spiritual strength. Grief combined with exhaustion often creates distorted perceptions of reality. Remind yourself regularly that these whispers aren't truthful measures of your faith journey. You are moving forward, even if your emotions currently feel dulled or absent. Your worth, resilience, and spiritual progress aren't defined by your current emotional experience but by your ongoing commitment to healing and growth.

God Feels Gone—But He Hasn’t Left

You open your Bible and attempt to read, but the words blur together, failing to bring clarity or comfort. You pray, pouring out your heart, yet there is no sense of connection or response, only an unsettling question that lingers: Has God moved out? This kind of spiritual silence is not uncommon following betrayal, particularly when a relationship or covenant that once mirrored God's faithful and unconditional love has been fractured by infidelity or broken trust. The deep sense of loss and confusion you are experiencing is echoed throughout the Psalms, where honest and raw emotions are frequently expressed:

“Why, Lord, do You stand far off? Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1)

Notice the underlying assumption in the psalmist's words: God is still present, though He may feel hidden or distant. Scripture does not condemn such lamentation; rather, it preserves it as a legitimate and essential aspect of genuine faith. It acknowledges that confusion, anger, sorrow, and a sense of abandonment can all coexist with a sincere trust in God.

In trauma care, we often talk about the "felt sense," which refers to the immediate internal perception or awareness of something. Right now, your felt sense of God might be muted, diminished, or even completely absent. However, this does not mean that His actual presence has changed or that He has withdrawn from you. The silence you experience may actually function as a spiritual triage room—one where lights are dimmed and external noise is hushed, allowing the gentle and skilled hands of the Healer to begin critical work beneath the visible surface.

During this time, it's important to find ways to remain spiritually grounded, even when God feels distant or silent:

Micro-prayers: Short, simple prayers of one sentence or phrase, such as, “Lord, keep me breathing,” can be quietly repeated with each exhale. These micro-prayers help sustain a basic connection with God, serving as reminders of His constant presence, even when it's hard to feel.
Embodied Scripture: Engage physically with a short Bible verse by tracing the words gently on your palm with your finger. This tactile interaction helps anchor the scripture in your body and mind, creating a deeper, tangible connection even when mental clarity is elusive.
Borrowed Belief: Allow yourself to lean on the faith and prayers of trusted friends, family, or counselors during times when your personal strength feels depleted. Sitting quietly while someone else prays aloud can provide a powerful scaffolding for your own faith, reinforcing your connection to God through community support and collective belief.

Remember, feeling spiritually distant or abandoned does not reflect a lack of faith on your part, nor does it indicate that God has left. Instead, it's a deeply human and understandable response to profound hurt and trauma. Trust that even in the silence, healing and restoration are quietly underway.

This Isn’t Failure—It’s the Wilderness

Many of the Bible’s most significant transformations occur in wilderness or desert places, moments that appear barren and challenging yet become spaces of profound encounter and growth. Hagar, cast out and despairing, encountered “the God who sees” beside a desert spring, finding comfort and provision in what seemed like abandonment.

Elijah, a powerful prophet, reached a breaking point after intense spiritual battles and fled into isolation. In his exhaustion and despair, he didn’t find God in dramatic signs like earthquakes or fires, but rather in a quiet, gentle whisper that renewed his strength and clarified his calling.

Jesus Himself spent forty days in the solitude of the desert before beginning His public ministry. This time of fasting, silence, and testing was not wasted; it prepared and strengthened Him for the significant work ahead.

These wilderness seasons in our lives similarly serve a purpose. They remove the distractions and false supports we often rely upon—such as constant noise, performance-driven living, and hurried activity. The process is intentional but gradual, much like nature itself. Roots beneath the ground must grow deep and strong through the cold of winter, unseen by anyone, long before any visible growth emerges in the warmth of spring.

Instead of viewing the silence or the wilderness as a spiritual setback, try to see it as sacred ground—a space intentionally set apart by God for your spiritual growth and healing. Practices like lament, honest journaling, and allowing tears to flow when they arise aren't signs of doubt or weakness. Rather, they represent genuine acts of trust, vulnerability, and openness toward God.

In these moments, you're not merely enduring the wilderness; you're actively bringing it before God. You're inviting Him into the very places you find difficult and painful. This is profoundly different from racing toward a self-defined finish line or goal that God never set for you. Remember, God often does His most profound work in us when we're willing to slow down, confront our deeper selves, and wait patiently for His guidance and renewal.

If You’re Still Here, You’re Healing

Emotional numbness indicates that your body has moved from a state of heightened alertness into a phase of conserving energy and resources. Initially, when something stressful or traumatic happens, your body and mind go into an alarm mode. Over time, however, as this state becomes unsustainable, your system naturally shifts toward conserving its strength and stability. This shift toward emotional numbness is actually a protective mechanism rather than something negative or a sign of being stuck. It is your body's way of maintaining itself through difficult periods, signaling progress rather than stagnation.

Think about it practically:

Your mind, which previously may have been overwhelmed by racing thoughts and constant worry, is now starting to slow down. Instead of lying awake for hours each night replaying endless scenarios and asking "What if?" repeatedly, you might notice that your thoughts become quieter or less persistent. This mental calmness, although it may feel strange or unsettling at first, is actually beneficial. It means your mind is beginning to rest, giving itself space to recover.

Your physical body also starts to reflect this calmer state. Earlier, your heart may have been pounding constantly, and your nervous system might have felt continuously on edge. Now, you may find your heart rate gradually slowing back down to normal levels. Additionally, you might notice reduced urges to continually seek out more information or reassurance. This reduction in the need for constant external input is another positive sign, as it shows your body returning to a more balanced and stable state.

Your inner self, or soul, is also learning something valuable during this period of numbness. It is discovering that immediate answers and quick resolutions are not always necessary for survival. Your emotional core is gradually recognizing that it can still function, even thrive, without having every piece of information immediately available. This insight fosters resilience and emotional maturity over time.

Each of these shifts may seem subtle, but they represent meaningful steps forward. The feeling of numbness isn't evidence of being broken or beyond help. Instead, it shows that the intense crisis has lessened to a manageable level, allowing you space and opportunity to begin healing and repairing from within.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel numb after betrayal?

Yes. Feeling emotionally numb, disconnected, or spiritually distant is a common trauma response. You’re not broken—you’re in a protective state your brain uses to help you survive the overwhelm.

Why do I feel like God is gone or silent?

It may feel like God has gone quiet, but He hasn’t left you. Scripture shows us that God draws near to the brokenhearted—even when we can’t feel Him. Silence doesn’t mean absence.

What is the “in-between” phase after betrayal?

It’s the middle space between crisis and restoration—where you may feel stuck, flat, or like you’re just surviving. It’s not failure. It’s a sacred part of healing that allows your nervous system and spirit to slowly reorient.

How do I begin reconnecting emotionally and spiritually?

Start small. Breathe deeply. Listen to worship. Sit quietly in God’s presence. Let yourself feel what you feel, even if that’s “nothing.” Healing often begins with noticing and naming what’s true for you right now.

What’s the next step if I’m feeling stuck?

You’re invited to join the Rooted Collective Membership, where you’ll find ongoing support, tools, and a safe space to gently explore healing—even in the wilderness season of betrayal trauma.